My FINAL 2k13 Blog

This is my last blog before I embark on a new year of blogging! Today is my last day of struggling! I decree and declare that! This year was my hardest year EVER....but without God I never woulda made it! I asked the precious Lord to take my hand to lead me on and let me stand! Although I wanted to break down day after day wondering when a job would call me I still kept my faith because all I needed was to trust in HIM! Today I cried my last tears...faced all my fears....and told myself I won't complain!! My kids watched us go through our worst of times but we made it over!! From having the best Thanksgiving to me not providing them a Christmas...I constantly used this as a lesson to push harder! I'm not perfect and I'm not holier than thou but I am progressing! There is NOTHING that can break me or shake me! I don't sit up and feel sorry for myself nor do I make stupid decisions to attain things that God didn't intend for me to have....because if it was meant for me to have it he would bless me with it! So I'm not saying I'm a changed person but I am saying my situation changes as of RIGHT NOW to better me as a mother to my kids!! So before anyone sits up and says "oh she don't got nothing" please understand I ACTUALLY HAVE EVERYTHING GOD INTENDED FOR ME TO HAVE! MY BLESSINGS ARE ABOUT TO COME AND ONCE THOSE DOORS START OPENING....CAN'T NO MAN SHUT THEM!!!! Happy new year to you all and may you be blessed abundantly ALL of 2k14!!!!

Abuse is NOT love...it's a form of control!

We all have been a victim or know someone who had been a victim of abuse. Hopefully this helps someone who is going through it right now.

Abuse does not have to be strictly physical! There are many forms of abuse like mental, oral and emotional. These can be far worse than physical because they lower your self esteem and self respect. They can also damage you as a person in the long run. I was both physically and mentally abused. After being beat for over a year and finally deciding to leave that relationship I ended up getting in a relationship where I was emotionally and mentally abused. Now going through this made me feel like I wasn't good enough or that I wouldn't find somebody that would appreciate me. This man used to always say "nobody will ever love you" "nobody will want a chick with all those kids" "be happy that I'm even with you cause I could be elsewhere" after awhile I started believing everything he would say. It got worse for me because I kept ALLOWING this man to mentally tear me down and when u allow that to happen you stop caring about EVERYBODY! I wasn't allowed to have friends...I barely could talk to my mom! I gave this man power like he was God! I was enslaved to a corrupt relationship out of fear he would be right about nobody wanting me! I knew he was out cheating on me but hell he did so much to me I didn't even care about that anymore...I was too busy focusing on how in the hell I was going to get out the relationship. This man broke more than my heart he damn near broke my soul! He fed me so much BS I didn't know what to think! My kids didn't deserve that treatment either...and I know somebody reading this will say oh ain't no dude gone ever do this or that to my kids...yea ok don't say that unless you are tested or put in the situation I was in because honey chile when you FEAR someone the decisions you make are so unreal!! That man treated us all like we were in some form of prison. We ate at a certain time, we talked at a certain time, we were in the house at a certain time and we had a time limit if we went somewhere. Oh yea it was bad! It had got to the point that I stopped buying nice shit because he would get mad and tear it up! Flat screens kicked in, cars damaged, computers tossed across the room, cell phones broke in half tables flipped over! Man shit got worse and worse over the years! God kept providing me a way out but being that this man had my mind I always ran back to him! After awhile you start to get really discouraged! Your friends will start saying he's no good (as if you didn't already know that) they will tell you to leave him they will say they are there for you...everything you need to hear but don't ACT UPON! See ppl of abuse DON'T wanna hear what they already know! We hoping y'all gone say "you want me to kill him" that's when we react like oh shoot I don't want them to get in trouble I gotta go! Real talk!! If you are in an abusive relationship (no matter which form) and you're still sleeping with that person....you aren't ready to leave them! Not at all! See I stopped having sex with my abuser (didn't make shit easier on me) but I stopped! We would lay in the same bed and I wouldn't touch him! Eventually I got the courage to say you know what you gotta go! Once I started calling the police on him...he knew right then it was over because it was something I'd NEVER done! Once he called my daughter a bitch....yea it was definitely over then! When I left him EVERYBODY kept saying oh you will be back with him blah blah well I'm here to say It's been almost 2yrs since I left him and I haven't looked back! So to all my doubters...I did it...I am free...I have my self love, my self respect, my peace, my Joy and most of all my happiness!!

So I wanna say to anyone going through it....you can't expect someone to respect you until you start respecting yourself! Abuse is NOT love...it's a form of control! The only man that will ever love us and never hurt us is GOD!! That's who we should worship...not somebody who was never intended for us!! May you all find peace and happiness because it's never too late to start living!

We all gone eat! Dedicated to Nekita Baker!

I dedicate this blog to one of the realist friends I ever had..Nekita (Nikki) Baker (Rest in Paradise)

I'm laying here and it's 2am...I am awaken out my sleep because my dear friend has come to me in my dream...I cry not only tears of sorrow but tears of Joy because of the good memories I cherish with Nikki. If you never got to know her I promise you missed out on knowing a special woman and damn good mother. Man me and Nik had so many GOOD times it was ridiculous! There was NOTHING that kept us from laughing day to day and as I share some of the stuff we used to get into or do for one another always remember it was done because of our friendship and that loyalty  and respect we had for one another! Man I remember when I lived in Cali and Nik was practically my only friend besides her mom...Nik would call me right when she thought I was done cooking and be like so whatchu cook today LOL! I would be like girl come find out...she would already be outside as if she knew the food was done! That used to crack me up. She learned my cooking schedule real fast and I started cooking enough for my family and hers! I remember one time I didn't cook.. now Nik wasn't just fun but she was also street smart let me tell y'all what this girl did...(I'm cracking up right now) so she says bitch what we gone eat...I'm like shid ion know...so she calls the pizza place tells them the last pizza she ordered had tomato sauce on it and that she was allergic to tomato sauce now she broke out in a rash! I was dying laughing..do u know she got us free pizzas for like a week! Lmao omg we smashed that nasty no tomato sauce having ass pizza! But shid we ate! That's why when I hear the term today "We all gone eat" I think of Nikki!!! See Nikki was not only fun but the type of person that would tell u like it is to your face....she didn't do that talk about somebody behind they back type shit...that's what I loved about her! She used to ALWAYS tell me "Bitch if u don't start standing up and saying what you mean,ppl will continue to use you and walk all over you" That right there was so real!!! I had mad respect for her cause she was never judgmental with me if something wasn't right she would let me know upfront! Now she did some dumb  shit too that I was like really Nik..why would you do that? So look...Me and Nikki hangout was the casino...it would either be me and her or me her and her mom...now one day Nik called me crying like a mf.. first thing I think is SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE KIDS! I'm like what happened what's wrong where's the kids at she like nooooo it's not that she said I just won over 600 Dollars at the casino and lost my ticket! She thought she put in in her purse in the side pocket but apparently it fell on the floor somewhere! I'm like wtf did u just say...she like u gotta come up here and help me find it....now I knew damn well we wasn't gone find that ticket but I jumped my ass on that freeway and it was like a scavenger hunt up in that thang for her ticket...yet we never found it..so to make her stop crying I went to a check cashing place and got her 100 dollars so she could go back and try that shit again! Do y'all know she hit on Pennies for 800 sum odd dollars? I was like oh hell no let's get yo ticket and get the hell up outta here don't u be dumb and lose THIS one!! She like bitch u ain't gotta tell me twice lmao!! She gave me 2 hun up out of it tho and I was like yea good looking! See that's a friendship.. if I got it she got it if she got it I got it...but the loyalty didn't stop there! So we end up working the same job..now mind u this job paid super good...man she was the life of the party at that job...I would stay at work just to wait for her to come in just so I could have my daily laugh! When I stopped working there UPS used to always come to my house with a damn check from this job and I wasn't understanding why....never questioned it either...lol...shid free money...let me get it....come to find out this girl was still clocking me in everyday as if I was at damn work! Lmao! Omg! I didn't want for anything when it came to Nikki! If we was gone do some shit... hell it benefited the BOTH of us! Lol lol! Her passing away made me realize that everybody screaming they a loyal friend ain't really loyal! SHE WAS MORE THAN LOYAL! Which is why it kills me that I didn't make it back out to Cali for her funeral! But then I'm kind of glad because I only wanna remember her how I saw her last!! I miss her....I miss laughing...the talks...the partying...everything....I could sit and write about so much more that we did but I promise y'all stomach would hurt! There's NOTHING bad anyone could say about her (well unless they just simply didn't know her and wanted to hate on her) her kids stayed fresh as hell and so did she! You would NEVER catch that girl kids dirty or looking a hot mess!! She was a damned good mom and I know her kids miss her dearly along with her mom, siblings and other friends!! If it was one last thing I could've done for Nikki it woulda been to take her to the Dr when she FIRST told me she started having real bad headaches and stuff instead of me thinking it was just a migraine....Lupus took my friend from me and we (me and her) had no idea she was even a victim of it until it was too late! So to the rest of my friends with lupus...I salute you for being the ppl you are! For having that fun spirit and not letting the diagnoses affect who you are as a person!! I may have lost my friend but I will never lose my memories!

REST IN PARADISE NIKKI U ARE TRULY LOVED AND MISSED!!

Gods hand is extended!

I'm not the best person in the world when it comes to doing the right thing...but one thing that has been rooted and grounded in me is that I was raised with a family full of praying mothers! I never understood as a child why we had to go to church every single day and on Sunday. Man I used to be so bored cause I didn't understand what the heck the preacher was talking about! As I grew older I strayed away from church and did whatever whenever! But one thing I NEVER lost was my spiritual connection with God! See when it's rooted in you to pray and read your Bible, no matter what situation u get into u will ALWAYS run back to the church! Now that I am older I understand alot more than I did growing up. There was this one verse Rev. Blackmon would ALWAYS recite that I have carried with me and understand and that was "As a child I spoke as a child I thought as a child but when I became a man I put away childish things"Yea it's in the Bible somewhere!(Corinthians I think) That scripture is very powerful! Although it took me forever to understand it I get it! It don't matter who you are or what you have done in your life....God's hand is always extended! My biggest problem had been if I changed and showed my spiritual side ppl would call me a hypocrite...you know what I started letting them because God knows my heart and he's still working in me and on me! Who is MAN to judge anything I do or say? One thing I did do was put my kids into church I didn't think they would be active but they are! They love it! My auntie used to always say "Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it" (Proverbs 22:6) My kids will ALWAYS run to prayer because it's what they have been taught. It's never too late to get it right u just gotta get rid of all the wrong! I know that and yes I'm talking about me! One thing I know for a natural fact is GOD SAID HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME OR FORSAKE ME! We all have sinned....nobody is perfect...I heard somewhere in a song that if there IS a perfect church it's no longer perfect the moment you and I step inside! That's the truth! So if u see me getting off my square please don't hesitate to tell me to get it together cause one thing about it is if I am doing wrong I WANT to be corrected! I do talk slick and I'm learning that the tongue has the power of life and death and what you speak will come to you...so if you choose to say negative stuff over your life only you can blame yourself...so be careful of what you speak cause God is listening and he will provide EVERYTHING YOU SPEAK INTO EXISTENCE...good and bad!

Held Hostage

I know y'all probably like "Held hostage" that only happens in the movies! Yea I thought the same thing til it happened to me! (This happened before i ever had kids I say I was maybe 17) So here we go! I go to this dude crib to get him cause he liked one of my cousins...I won't say his name because if I did y'all would probably hit the fkin floor FOREAL (plus his sisters are kinda cool) anyways I get over there and this cock strong mf grabs me pulls me in the crib and puts a gun on the table and orders me to take my clothes off....um ok at 17 u don't know what the hell to do except do whatever to LIVE! Man I guess I was taking too long so he did it himself but he didn't rip my clothes or nothing...but he kept that gun in one hand...ok so this big thick Dick bastard raped me....I mean he tore me....I couldn't believe this shit! He liked my fkin cousin! I had no interest in his ass like that! After it was over he made me walk with him to this house off Harrison st right by Sicilianos (the house is now tore down I believe) so we get there and this mf tries to fkin rob the ppl for some weed! (which explains the gun) I am unaware of what the fuck his intentions were....he had went outside for whatever reason and I was just in the house with ppl ion even know (white ppl) so these mfs grab me sit me on the couch and say don't let her leave. They start asking me did I know dude was coming to set them up I'm like hell no I don't even know him like that...now they grab they guns and all I'm thinking is I'm finna die....my momma ain't gone know where I'm at! They came up with a plan that if they killed me they would tell the police I broke in (they were going to break the windows in the house to make it look real) So I'm sitting there for so many hrs...ion know where dude went or nothing...so I'm asking them to please let me go I got kids n shit (which I was lying but shit sometimes ppl have empathy on that type of shit) then in walks a familiar face (cause his ass was trying to buy some weed) I was so glad to see him cause I knew he could save me so I'm trying to whisper the words "Help me" he gone say what u doing over here? I just looked and shook my head cause I really couldn't say! So he ended up leaving...y'all I begged them ppl to let me go. After hrs of questioning and all that shit they finally dropped me off at home (well they thought it was my house I wasn't finna let them know where I stay) and I immediately called EPD....funny thing is THEM BITCHES DIDN'T BELIEVE SHIT I WAS TELLING THEM...THE RAPE, BEING HELD HOSTAGE...NOTHING! My momma was so mad not only at the police but me as well because I had NO business going to nobody house By myself. I went to EGH had the Lil rape thing done and they believed everything I told them....took the report to the police and they still did NOTHING! Is sad because men are out here doing this to young girls and putting them in situations that could get them killed yet the police don't have a care in the world! I lost all respect for the police then....this is why I have a passion for studying law because ppl need protection everyday...ppl need someone to talk to everyday....ppl need advice everyday and if I can be that person then that's who I'm going to be...their lawyer, social worker, advocate whatever because there is someone out there JUST LIKE ME being HELD HOSTAGE! (oh by the way karma got that nigga cause he stay in and out of prison now)

Date Rape Drugs are Real

It's all fun and games until something changes you forever! I am writing this blog to hopefully help and touch someone who has been raped or just neglectful of their surroundings because I know first hand what it's like. I was in Chicago about 10yrs ago for a holiday weekend with friends (whom I won't say because they already know the story) we were drinking and laughing and having a great time with these guys whom my girl knew. I sat my drink down and stepped outside for some air. I never thought ANYTHING would happen because my girls were right there at the table with my drink. I come back inside and everybody doing their own thing so I grab my drink and start drinking again. Within minutes I started feeling very odd...very sleepy...my body started to feel paralyzed so I asked the homeowner could I lie down for a minute....I remember laying down and my girls saying she drunk as hell....I remember the room spinning so hard and everything being blurry. In comes a man he says are you ok? I try to speak but no words come out....I try to move but my body is stiff...then he did it...he removed all my clothes and just took it....I couldn't scream I couldn't yell I couldn't fight back all I could do was lay there and practically cry. Now I know y'all wondering where my girls was at at this time....hell I didn't even know....I couldn't hear anybody so I assumed they went back to the liquor store or something...anyways...as this man continued to rape me all I could think about was how the hell is this happening....I was crying but no tears had fallen. After he was done I just laid there and in walked another man....I assumed he told his boys I was laid the fuck out....so now here this other man is doing the exact same thing still I don't see the girls....now I'm furious I'm so fkin mad because I have nobody to protect me! Once he was finished I guess time just went on the girls came in I guess to check on me and they noticed I was naked they shook me asked me what happened and yet I still could barely speak....finally when I came to I told them what happened they wanted to call the police but get this the dudes mom was an officer....I don't even remember the actual police ever arriving....I didn't know until later on that I was slipped a ROOFIE! The reason they put it in mine was because it would work alot faster because I have no body fat. Nothing ever happened to those guys I just went through life withholding what happened to me because I was ashamed and felt guilty for being so neglectful. But what I did learn behind all this was you have to protect yourself! Everybody isn't trustworthy....and NEVER leave your drink around ANYBODY because it could be your last drink! So while you turning up and walking away from your drink ALWAYS remember anything could be in that cup! So if u not watching it don't go back to it because 9 times outta 10 your friends ain't watching it but SOMEBODY IS! Being raped can either make you or break you....what didn't kill me only made me stronger and I had 4 kids that needed me for the rest of their lives!! So the next time you're at a house party or the club please be careful cause date rape drugs are REAL and the ppl you THINK you know may be a TOTAL STRANGER!!

The closest one to you may be holding the knife!

One thing I never needed was validation of who I am and what kind of friend I am to people. I have been around so many fake phoney fraudulent folks it's crazy that I had them in my life more than they actually needed to be. I used to be in so much drama and bs I didn't think about maturing! I grew up though...I became wise when I started interacting with those who were stabbing their friends in the back, talking about EVERYBODY  then smiling in their faces! I then knew it would be a matter of time before I became a victim amongst these kind of "friends".. People would sit up and talk about how this person this and that person that and eventually I would just change the subject because I didn't want to be "guilty by association." It's even sadder when the innocent ones have no clue that they so called "friend(s)" don't give a damn about them unless it's beneficial to them! Eventually I started cutting folks off because I didn't feel right associating myself in the messy department. I consider myself a loyal friend until someone crosses me and even after the fact I still don't go say "girl guess what he/she did to you...because it's none of my concern anymore. One thing I learned from my family is that it only takes 1 conversation to start mess and unless you constantly want your name coming up in lies you have to cut any and every force of negativity OFF! I don't do fake...it's not in me...I either rock with you or I don't. I can still be cordial but feed you with a long handled spoon! At the end of the day your loyalty will always be tested whether it's by family, friends or associates...it's up to you to stand your ground and put a end to all the fake smiles,daps and laughter cause the closest one to you will be the one holding the knife!!

A baby won't help you keep a man!

Oh gawd here we go...most of these chicks didn't really want no kids...you can tell by their actions! Clubbing every weekend, stalking they baby daddy, fighting the other Babymamas etc. They actually wanted the attention of the man they was sleeping with! I'm not understanding why they so quick to yell child support soon as that man get him a new woman! Boy the drama that comes with having kids by a female that clearly is NOT ready for kids is something else! I watch these chicks bash the dude they was fkin and suckin all night long not knowing that one day somebody else would be fkin and suckin him too! Ladies...get yo shit together....one thing about it is these dudes are starting to step up and TAKE they kids from y'all..which is a good thing cause most of y'all using them babies as a pawn anyway..y'all don't let him see the kids and if ya do he gotta be around you to do it....KILL YOSELF!!! Get over the fact that he has moved on. Be the best mother you can be and allow those kids to form their own opinion of their dad instead of you filling they head up with how YOU feel...cause truthfully if that man was still coming through banging ya back loose and stretching ya jaws wide you wouldn't take him through a damn thing!! So the next time you lay up with somebody always remember A BABY WON'T HELP YOU KEEP A MAN!!#

A person will only do what you ALLOW them to do

It took me 11yrs to realize my worth! That's a very long time to be in a relationship that was not worthy of my time. I understand now (as a single woman) why I was disrespected and not appreciated. I ALLOWED a man to do whatever he pleased, sleep with whomever he wanted and impregnate many women all because I was holding on to the years I invested in what I thought was a relationship! I know a few women will read this and say "oh you were just dumb" and I will say you are absolutely right! I WAS dumb....because I had many opportunities to leave the relationship but I had a fear of being alone and I had NO self love! Oh I had lots of family and friends tell me he was no good but the eyes can't see what the ears can't hear cause you clearly are not paying anything any attention. It would take me DAYS to tell you everything that went on during the course of that relationship but I will just say I THANK GOD for it ALL! The day I left I never looked back. I started doing things that made me feel better about myself and promised myself and my kids that I would NEVER devalue myself ever again (which is why I am still single almost 2 yrs later) I learned alot about myself over the course of leaving him. I didn't want to be with someone to help me unpack all the baggage I had so I did it myself! I know what to do to gain and keep the respect of a man and that's to play my position as a WOMAN and to LOVE MYSELF FIRST! See we women tend to try and be the MAN which takes from who he is! I have learned to let the man be just that A MAN! The one thing a man can't stand is to be treated less than what he is...same as a woman...so once that level of respect is rooted and built upon everything else will fall into place! You can't FORCE someone to be with you, you can only build on what you have and if it doesn't work out it wasn't meant to be..but that doesn't mean you have to ALLOW anything less than LOVE COMMUNICATION TRUST AND LOYALTY because remember a person will only do WHAT U ALLOW THEM TO DO!

There are still good men out there!

I hear it all the time "Ain't no good men out there" when truthfully it is. See the problem is not that you can't find a good man it's that you probably haven't taken time to be ALONE and evaluate YOURSELF! Women are so quick to get out of one bad relationship and just think negatively about ALL MEN! No it's not ALL men it's the ones YOU keep choosing! I have been in relationships where I had the same thinking process, but when u actually take time to be a SINGLE woman..it gives you time to look at YOUR FAULTS, look at how you could've done something different, reevaluate YOURSELF! See only BITTER women continue to talk bad about a man because SHE can't find "The one" Smh...my thing is WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A MAN? You haven't figured out that YOUR choices are the reason why you keep getting disrespected, cheated on, lied to and being miserable! God has designed someone for EVERYONE....let that man FIND YOU!! Stop running around saying that man this and that man that to all yo friends cause truthfully they could care less and they looking at you like "I see why u single" Stop nagging and work on YOU! Let your past relationship(s) be a teaching tool to grow and learn and also to FORGIVE! Once you forgive someone you see things alot differently! So stop complaining about your life and your relationship status and start preparing for who God has for you cause honey THERE ARE STILL SOME GOOD MEN OUT THERE!!

My Struggles are REAL!

People always tell me that I'm one of the realist people they know. I appreciate that because I have no reason to be fake. I have struggled and embraced my struggles. I have been homeless with 4 kids, I have gone hungry just so they can eat, walked miles to grocery stores just to put food on the table and went broke to take care of their needs. My struggles are why I am the person I am. If I see someone in need of something I am very quick to lend a hand even if I don't really know the person. I do this because I know what it's like to be at rock bottom. There have been times where I wanted to just give up and sign over my parental rights to my mother but I knew that would be the COWARD way out. I learned to channel my spiritual connection with God and pray my way out of situations. Sometimes God will leave you in the midst of hard times to show you that HE is all you need! I have learned that over time. I don't let my struggles define me I let them teach me. So the next time u are complaining about your job or how your car is tripping or the fact that you don't feel like cooking or spending time ALONE....think of me because to this day MY STRUGGLES ARE REAL!!

Only God can judge me!

So I'm sitting here thinking about ALL the stuff ppl said about me and I'm actually amused! I USED to care about what ppl say but now I just look listen and laugh! It's amazing the things ppl will conjure up about someone they don't even know. Which is why NOW I really could care less what THEY say about me...cause their words ain't FEEDING ME FKIN ME OR FINANCING ME....so basically it's irrelevant! If anybody wanna know something about me all they gotta do is ask....because at the end of the day I don't gotta worry about MAN letting me in those pearly gates! ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!!

Dirty laundry pt. 2

I remember like it was yesterday. I mustered up the courage to leave him. I packed all his shit in garbage bags and drove it to his new bitch house....dumped that shit all over the floor and told her she could have him and good luck with the headaches and ass whoopings she was about to endure. It felt so good to finally be free of him so I thought. He got out of jail, came over to my house and beat me like I was a fkin man. He stomped me in the back like I was not human he punched me in the back of my head as if I were a man. He dog walked me as if I wasn't the mother of his child.. I screamed for help.. I begged him to stop..the people that were there did nothing but stare in disbelief! I knew if I called the police he would eventually kill me...the beatings never stopped even tho we were no longer together. I was helpless and hopeless until one day I found the strength to fight back!

The constant beef between women

Ok I get so sick of hearing "I don't like her" see my problem with this is it's always A FEMALE saying that shit! What reason does one have to not like another individual? Let's see..maybe someone is interested in you...maybe your car is nicer...maybe u have more money...maybe you carry yourself like a lady...I'm not sure but one thing about it is THOSE ARE NOT VALID REASONS TO NOT LIKE SOMEONE.....I feel like the ones who dislike others for petty ass reasons really dislike themselves....so what if 2 ppl don't speak....that don't always means there's a problem so why run around talking shit about the next person? What does that have to say about them and their character? Beef? Who does that besides children? Nah Lil mama ion beef with nobody....not my style! I know how to let a person know why I ain't talking to them!!

Doing what ya gotta do

December 5,2001 I had just gave birth 4 days prior and now I'm being put out of the house...It's cold as fuck outside and snow is everywhere. I have no place to take me and my 4 babies...so I walked in the bitter cold with my kids from Hubbard street to the Elkhart police Department (Which is quite a long walk in a blizzard) but I was determined to find shelter for me and my kids! I ended up at the Womens Shelter and stayed there for 77 days...the maximum time allowed there was 30 to 45 days. I was working but couldn't afford daycare so I would take my kids to work with me up until I was fired for doing that. I ended up leaving the shelter and moving into my own apartment and ever since then I decided to NEVER depend on anyone...even family...this struggle inspired me to ALWAYS keep a crib and NEVER be evicted cause my kids need me! ALWAYS do what ya gotta do even when things looks bad!! Because everything the devil meant for bad...God meant for good!

Dirty laundry

Oh wow where do I begin....the niggas I done had in my life really taught me how to love myself because they treated me like shit! He used to beat the shit outta me to the point I didn't want to go to sleep...he would put cigarettes out on my face...spit on me...cheat in me and sometimes I thought of just taking my own damn life....but then I would see my daughters face...she had no idea what was going on...I allowed a man to take so much out of me....the arguing the fighting the cheating the BITCHES....oh these BITCHES.....I hated every single one of them....I now know why this man did the things he did to me....because I never gave a fuck about who I was....I was satisfied with the term "So,I got a man"...nahhh that shit wasn't cool....how could I be raising a Lil girl to believe that it's ok for a man to call u a bitch or it's ok for him to take everything and let you sit in the dark because drinks and weed was more important than lights in the house! I thought I had it all figured out when I left him.....but I guess I didn't because 3 babies later I did this shit all over again with someone different! Smdh

Turn down for what?

I see this damn saying everywhere "Turn up" Ok it's cool to turn up long as your bills are paid and your kids are eating good! Here's the problem I have with this shit....it's BITCHES in the club turning up every weekend, popping bottles taking pictures etc...Ion NEVER see these hoes say nothing bout spending time with they kids! I be wondering who the fuck babysits for them? If yo ass got time to get dressed and go have fun why the fuck are u signing up for energy assistance and taking yo baby daddy back and forth to court? I can't stand BITCHES like y'all....y'all be making me cuss and I'm really trying to change! Turn yo ass down...watch a movie with them babies teach them how to have fun INDOORS...Smh and y'all be the first ones to yell DON'T WORRY BOUT ME...no bitch I am worried cause apparently you don't know what it is to actually have to give time to ya kids without complaining!!

Caught up!

Ok peeps I wanna know...have you ever been "Caught up"?....Man I remember when I first started having sex and my Lil brother came up in my damn room and caught me! Mind you this Lil fuckah only wanted his Halloween candy....I was scared as shit he was gone tell my momma on me! So in exchange for him not to tell...I had to give his black ass my color TV! Now y'all know how it was back in the day to watch a fkd up black and white TV! My momma asked me one day where my TV was I'm like oh I let ya son use it for a Lil while....she oeno I to this day WHY he had my TV! Ctfu.....Have you ever been caught? Who caught you?